A young man took a blind date to an amusement park. First they went for a ride on the Ferris wheel. After the ride was done the girl seemed rather bored. 
"What   would you like to do next?" he asked. "I wanna get weighed," she said.  So the young man took her over to the weight guessing booth. "One twenty"    guessed the man and he was exactly right.   Next they rode the roller coaster. When that was over, he bought her some  popcorn and cotton candy and  asked what else she would like to do. "I  wanna get weighed," she again said.  
I really latched onto a square one tonite  thought the guy.....but he took her over  there anyway. Then, using the  excuse that he had a headache, he took her home. The girl's mother was  surprised to see her home so early and when she asked  "How was your night   Dear?     
 " The young girl replied. "Wousy."

( 06-18-99)

A cop is staking out a bar for drunk drivers.  At closing time, he sees a guy stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and fumble for his keys for five minutes. When he finally gets in, it takes him another five minutes to get the key in the ignition.  Meanwhile, everybody else leaves the bar and drives off.
When he finally pulls away, the cop is waiting for him, pulls him over, and gives him a Breathalyzer test.  
The test shows he has a blood alcohol level of 0.0.   The cop says, "How the hell is this possible?"  
The guy says," Well sir  - Tonight I'm the designated decoy."

A drunk is staggering along wagging his keys.  A cop comes up and says, "What's the matter, buddy?"   The drunk says, "Somebody stole my car."
The cop says, "For Christmas sakes, go home and sober up. And please will you pull up your zipper?" 
The drunk looks down and says, "Oh, no. They got my girl, too."